In the church there’s a lot of people who say, “This is the most important doctrine in theology,” and then they go on to tell you their favorite doctrinal thing. I’ll tell you mine: God made us to be relational [Genesis 1:26-27]. Think about it. The God of the universe is triune. In relationship with one another. Then Adam finds out he’s lonely. He needs a relationship [Genesis 2:20-22]!
Abraham has descendants who are supposed to be in relationship with one another and God [Genesis 12:2]. They can even invite gentiles into having a relationship with God and Israel. David has a relationship with Jonathan that’s super deep [1 Samuel 18:1].
Jesus gets pretty upset that the teachers were blocking people from understanding their relationship with God [John 3]. Blocking children from having a good relationship with God? Millstone time [Matthew 18:6].
You can tell my theological position is at least in the top 100 list of important doctrines.
Paul emphasizes that we shouldn’t let our personal issues get in the way of healthy relationships when he writes to the Colossians:
So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. [Colossians 3:12-14 NASB95]
So, what do we do with this in marriage? Marriage is an example of this love-covers-everything mindset. We see the fruit of the Spirit (or at least a similar list) and just in case there’s something that makes it through the filter of fruits we find that love covers any other gaps.
When we get married we find that we can be hurt, frustrated, or angry. Those emotions are sensory and we need to recognize them, but we need to then get back to fellowship to restore the relationship. We want to move to forgiveness, but then past forgiveness to reconciliation. Don’t build up scar tissue, but lean into a love-first relationship – it’s how God made us to be.